emotional train wreck last night

4/30/07

I do not even know how to explain what was wrong. All I know is I was wiped out after my visit to my moms at the end of last week and I spent most of the weekend resting and the weekends are usually catch up on the house time and Darin has been great on picking up the slack in the house when I have been down and out and when I did get up to get on the computer he would get all upset like the clock was ticking and he want the computer to play some game. Sunday I was having trouble eating I would fix a plate take a few bites and be turned off by the food and want something less heavy like a bowl on cereal to find out that we were out. SO then I was like forget so it went into a big fight Cause Darin thought I was forcing him to go out and get me some but I wasn't I was just in a tick off mood about my food and if he didn't want to go oh well but he kept insisting on going saying I be mad if he didn't go. SO he goes and when he come back I'm on the computer and he gets all upset again cause he was looking forward to time to play so i get off and plop on the sofa and say all yours so it ends up in this big fight about who knows what I'm crying that I'm tried and the house is a mess and I wish i wasn't so tired so i could get up and scrub like I use to and I do what I can but it never enough and here I have another coming to clean behind and I'm balling an have no idea what it's truly about and i see all these work out products on tv and all and i fell fat I see the pictures I know everyone says I look pregnant but when i look at my body I don't see what everyone else see I feel like I only look pregnant cause of what I wear and if I wore something to lay differently on my body i look like a girl who needed to loose weight and I had plans to go on a diet and get hard core on loosing some weight i kid you not a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. I know how truly blessed we are to have another baby and how much of a blessing it is and how much we will love this baby and it will fit perfectly into our family and we would never change a thing but is it wrong to just feel blah and wish just for moment this wasn't happening now. Plus all the negativity I've gotten this pregnancy and ppl giving me a hard time about stopping having kids and as much as i try not to let it bother me it does !!! plus my dad is talking about when it comes time to leave this year for another hurricane I don't want to think about that I can't handle being pregnant and loosing everything again. I finally am starting to get my life back together and I have plans this summer for getting this house in order big time before the baby comes and I have this dream of a perfect home birth and I don't want to think about having to delivery anywhere but my home and live anywhere with anyone but my husband and children and being split from my family again. SO i guess I have reasons to be upset but I just want everything to be okay and I'm soo scared and sick of how I've been treated this pregnancy and tried of being tired i want to feel happy and do thing with my family and make the most of the time we have before the baby comes and of the worst happens.



This entry has 2 comments: (Add your own)
#2 Comment from cousinshope
4/30/07 1:22 PM | Permalink
((((( )))))
hangin there!!!! things will calm down in a bit!!!!#1 Comment from jassypoohsmom1
4/30/07 1:10 PM | Permalink
tons of love hunny the feelings are normal believe me buti knew haow bad u wanted this. love ya